My first pregnancy resulted in a miscarriage, a baby we had nicknamed Apple. Hence the little red apple painted on the tree….a way to remember that lost little one. It also made painting over that tree when it was time to update Hugh’s room recently!
1 in 4 women will miscarry and it’s something that isn’t really talked about….but I really don’t think it should be hidden away and not talked about, so I’ve always been quite open in talking about Apple.
One of the hardest parts about being a business owner (and being the only employee!) is that work goes on around your world. There is no time for illness. In the last month and a bit my little family has been hit by colds and gastro (yep, fun!)…..and a bit more.
Now, I’m sharing something with you that not all our family and friends know (not because of secrecy, just because we have been really busy). I had clients waiting with baited breaths for their designs, so I recently shared with them what has been holding me up too.
3 is our magical number. The number of children my husband and I would love to have. And after quite a few months of trying, that little test came up positive! Ecstatic would be the word, when Matt checked it out (I was convinced it would be negative AGAIN, so Matt checked it instead of me). Within a few hours, I’d booked in to the dr for a blood test and booked in my first appointments with my OB that would take me to 12 weeks.
I thought the blog post I would be posting now, would be an announcement…..however it wasn’t mean to be.
Unfortunately, I lost another little one. My 3rd child is making me work for it, I’m sure it will be a perfect one!
I spent a Monday up at the emergency department with a drip in my hand and the nurses struggling to find decent veins to get blood from (multiple blood tests later!). I had a really fabulous Doctor. A woman of about 50 who had obviously been through miscarriage herself (I’m finding it easier and easier to gauge who has lost little ones before). I was telling her the standard dribble ‘not meant to be’, ‘these things happen’ etc., etc. when she told me the probably the best thing I have ever heard in response to a miscarriage. She told me “it doesn’t matter how far along you are, this little one was already part of your family”. (In future, if you have anyone close to you going through a miscarriage, tell them this). And she was right. Had we already started talking about names? Yep. Already contemplated the nursery? You bet. Loved beyond? Yep.
Needless to say my creativity had dwindled whilst I was off being sad and I haven’t been getting much work done. But I’m ok. This loss wasn’t as traumatic as my first. It totally sucks hairy balls losing a little one that is so very wanted. And I know I’m not alone and I know I’m lucky (totally not the right word) to have not lost more little ones.
You know what sucks as well? When (if?) I am lucky enough to fall pregnant again, when the Doctor asks me “what number pregnancy is this?”….it will be my 5th. Five pregnancies and only 2 babies to show for it.
I saw this post not long after I lost #4 and I think it’s wonderful.
Here’s to future babies!